Haiti Day 4...I think

My prayer this morning was kinda of everywhere. We had a super late night last night as we waited for the away team to come back home. But I do remember this very vivid image. The verse I was praying through was Psalm 136:12 "With mighty hand and outstretched arm God's love endures FOREVER".

When I was praying through this verse I get a beautiful image of this large, powerful, yet gentle hand coming out of the monstrance just waiting for me to grab it and be pulled in and consumed by God's love. In the monstrance, that's where I'm safe. That's where WE are safe. That's where love is. That's where I should place my desires, and the treasures God has given be. Be not afraid of using the gifts God has given me.

Today I also found a joy in living simply, and the freedom I found in just simply being a missionary.

The freedom comes from finally going to confession. I struggle a lot with going to confession but PRAISE THE LORD we have a priest who is available. Father spoke a ton of truth into my heart. I don't have a lot of material things in my life. I have exactly what I need. I don't really have a plan about what's next, and my five year plan was thrown out the window when I became a missionary. God is now in charge. Most days I'm not scared. There are days where I sit and wonder when God will make my vocation clear, or give me a permanent place to live. Even with all those unknowns I have never been happier. I'mg gaining an eternal joy just by BEING alive. That may sound really weird but it's really hard to put my joy into words.

THIS brings me joy.

Don't drop the Fruit Tray

This is a recent blog posted on the Life Teen website! 

Picture this, you are at a family BBQ and your mom gives you a rather large fruit tray. It all looks so delicious and the last words you hear her yell are “Be careful! Don’t drop it!” The tray starts to get heavy but you perservere, you can see the table just outside, it is in sight.

Then WHAM-O you smash right into the sliding glass door. Pineapple juice is dripping down your leg and the dog is already eating the watermelon off the floor. You’ve suddenly lost all hope and ambitions to become an Olympic Fruit Tray Carrier, but more horribly your pride is sitting in the pineapple juice at your feet.

Suddenly your very dear aunt comes out of nowhere like an angel sent from God to help you wipe the watermelon juice off your toes, lets the dog outside and helps you clean up the honey dew that splattered on the window.

Often times in my prayer life I feel like I’ve just walked into a sliding glass door. I get into the chapel and I can see Jesus waiting for me on the altar to embrace him. Just as I get the courage WHAM-O I smack into this glass wall. For me that glass wall consists of pride, doubt, lack of self-worth, past sins and the struggle to believe I am God’s beloved.

Then I reflect on Psalm 118:10 “In the Lord’s name I crush them” and I just see God smashing that glass door of all the “stuff” that’s holding me back from HIM. When we have a desire in our heart to grow closer to the Lord, HE, will make that happen. Trust in the Lord, that He too will smash the glass doors in your life that are blocking you from feeling God’s warm embrace.

Haiti Day 3

During yesterday's holy hour I was praying about Mary. Our community is doing a concentration to Jesus through Mary and I've had quite a bit of a struggle with it. I'm not yet in a place that I want to concentrate myself to her (I'm not even really sure how to explain it) but I haven't given up all hope on my relationship with her. When I struggle with the role Mary plays in my life I flip to the first chapter of Luke. Her complete and total YES to what God asked her to do helps me to say focused on the mission that God has me on right now. I wrote at the top of my journal "Don't be afraid" Luke 1:30. God has called and I must answer YES even though I may not know what that looks like completely.

During our morning work projects we were told of an opportunity to speak with the girls in the community about their self worth, dignity, and beauty through the eyes of their heavenly father. I prayed about this as I continued to haul heavy buckets of cement and rocks.

I'd given the women's talk before at summer camp, but for some reason this terrified me. I carried bucket after bucket wrestling with God. No I didn't want to give that talk. Ok I will give it. No. Yes. No. Yes back and forth. I made him a deal. If nobody else volunteered when we gathered as a group then I would do it. DON'T MAKE DEALS WITH JESUS. He always wins!  Of course nobody else volunteered so I raised my hand and said I would. Just as the words left my mouth I wished I could suck them right back in. But I couldn't there they were, out there in the open. What had I just gotten myself into? I ran to my room to throw on a skirt,(because if we aren't doing work projects its more respectful to wear a skirt, although it's not my clothes of choice), grabbed my bible and headed to the chapel. As I was praying Jesus reminded me to breath, and not worry because he already had the words I just needed to be open to him using me as a vessel of his love. The time finally came for the girls to arrive. After we watched them dance for a bit it was my turn to bring them some Jesus. My message was simple "You are loved. You are worthy. You are beautiful." Their eyes were so empty. I didn't think they were getting it. I just kept repeating it, and trying to show them the love that the father had for them. We then handed each of the young girls a rosary and were able to pray a decade with them. As we joined our voices with theirs in broken creole versions of the "Hail Mary" and "Our Father" I saw in their eyes a new found hope. They were beginning to understand. Praise God!

Side note: This was the Facebook status of one of the missionaries who live in Haiti full time "The teens and pre-teen girls who hang out at our center have already started dressing more modestly since Amanda Cassarshared her witness and talked with them about their dignity and how they should be respected" 

Haiti Day 2

This morning we started with an incredible time of prayer. Father placed Jesus on the altar in the monstrance and I noticed something weird. The luna didn't fit the host. Instead the host was the size we receive at mass, but the luna was regular size. The simple JOY and BEAUTY I found in that was a reminder that it's the same Jesus. The Jesus I consume at mass, is the same Jesus we adore at Holy hour, is the same Jesus that changes lives, is the same Jesus that gives me strength to be on mission.


It was the first full day of work projects. We were running sand up from the beach to the kitchen to make a better working spice. But the cliff we climbed with each bucket was HUGE. It was really hard.

Then (praise the Lord) I go asked to go into town and I'm not really sure if I can describe the image I saw but I'll try. As we were driving we passed a small child (maybe 2 years old) dragging a water jug from the road up to her house. But the steps to her house looked just like the cliff we were climbing to bring up the sand. This baby was doing just what she needed to do to basically survive. It was those two seconds I saw that baby that changed my view on a lot of things. Jesus is asking me to, even if it's hard or scary to just 'suck it up and do it".

Just before dinner we got to swim a bit and witness a beautiful sunset.

Haiti Day 1

The hope is that I will write a bit about each of my 9 days in Haiti. That is the HOPE..will that happen...I'm not sure but I'm going to try very hard.

Maybe I should back up a few weeks. In formation we talk a lot about BOLD and specific prayers. I tried it, God is kicking my butt through it. Fast forward to the day before Haiti this is the prayer I write in my journal "That in Haiti you work miracles in my heart. That I am able to see the things you are doing so I can love fearlessly without boundaries".  Don't pray boldly unless you are ready to answer boldly.


We piled into the car on Sunday December 3rd (after a weekend long retreat with about 150 people) and drove 2ish hours to the Atlanta airport, where we check all of our 20 plus bags, and people to wait for our first plane to Miami. I think it was delayed a bit...I cant really remember. I just remember the pure excitement that was beginning to explode out of every fiber of my being because we were finally going to Haiti. We arrived in Miami pretty late and were brought to the University of Miami Catholic Center and shown some incredible hospitality. After filling our belly's with pasta (gluten free of course), and praying night prayer, we tried to catch some sleep on the tile floor before our 4 am wake up call. At 4:15am on the dot we rolled out and headed back to the airport to catch our next flight to Port au Prince. We were notified our flight would be about two hours delayed. It wasn't such a big deal, we just piled on the floor and tried to catch some sleep. Finally we boarded our plane and head out. After getting through security, and trying not to get scammed by men in red hats saying "Good service" we saw our fellow missionaries waiting for us outside of the airport gates. All of us, and our bags piled into the cantor and headed on our way to the base, about three hours away.

Some people tried to sleep on the bumpy ride and others had their first Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.



This was also our very real view for a bit of our drive.

We arrived at the base and had to quickly unpack and get settled before the sun went down. Once the sun went down we weren't exactly sure what time the power would come back on. Which was sort of strange for the first night. We showered in almost darkness. Went to the bathroom in total darkness, and when we turned the light off to go to sleep it was incredibly dark. After settling our stuff in we went to mass, and ate some really good food. Every meal had some sort of rice, and sometimes we were blessed to have chicken. Eating in Haiti was a bit easier for me than I had expected. There wasn't a lot with flour that I couldn't eat and the dairy didn't really get in the way because they don't have refrigeration.

The eight female missionaries slept in one room together and we were lulled to sleep by the sound of the crashing waves.....followed by barking dogs, chickens and goats.

Back from Haiti..part 1

Thank you all so much for your prayers and financial support for this mission. I can not thank you enough for the sacrifice each of you have made for me to be able to go to Haiti for ten days. I know that God will bless you abundantly in all that you do. 

I'm not really sure about how to begin to describe the way God moved in my heart during my time in Haiti. One way is to defiantly check out all of the pictures on Facebook.

There are many glory stories, and ways God moved through the people of Haiti. One of my favorite moments was being in the back of the cantor (covered truck thing) and seeing a small girl drag a jug of water up these HUGE steps. She was no older than maybe 2, and the jug was about the size of one of the large containers of cooking oil you buy at the store. But in that moment when we quickly passed her I saw this moment of determination, and perseverance to get to the top of the hill to bring water to her family. From that little moment, I was given a renewal of my spirit to continue through the difficult moments in my spiritual life, as well as the physical demands often placed in my path. 

The picture attached is from the orphanage we got to visit on one of our last days in Haiti. The beautiful way this orphanage works is that they never let kids be adopted from there. They take them in, make it their home and raise them to be solid Catholics. The little girl in the picture was scared of white people when we got there. Some of the missionaries told me she went to another room and wouldn't come out. But by the end of the day she was playing with me and even sat in my lap and we sang a song in creyole over and over again.

There will be many more glory stories that I will share, but I wanted to just give you a quick update on the way God is moving. I'm still processing, and praying through most of the experiences I was able to be a part of, so I beg for your patience while God molds my heart.

At Covecrest we are going to have about 25 families with us beginning today (Friday-Sunday) on a family mission weekend. We will be serving the surrounding area and bringing a bit of Christmas joy to them. Please keep us in your prayers this weekend. 

Our Lady of Perpetual Help...PRAY FOR US

Praying for you,

Amanda 

Our God is Faithful...Part 1

After two years of praying, asking, and waiting I leave for Haiti with 19 other missionaries in about 3 hours.

I'm so excited!

We travel first to Miami tonight, then on to Haiti the next morning. We should arrive in Haiti on Monday morning.

I beg for your prayers for us. You can pray for us with the intersession of Our Mother of Perpetual Help who is the Patron Saint of Haiti!

Oh Mother of Perpetual Help, grant that I may ever invoke your powerful name, the protection of the living and the salvation of the dying. Purest Mary, let your name henceforth be ever on my lips. Delay not, Blessed Lady, to rescue me whenever I call on you. In my temptations, in my needs, I will never cease to call on you, ever repeating your sacred name, Mary, Mary. What a consolation, what sweetness, what confidence fills my soul when I utter your sacred name or even only think of you! I thank the Lord for having given you so sweet, so powerful, so lovely a name. But I will not be content with merely uttering your name. Let my love for you prompt me ever to hail you Mother of Perpetual Help. Mother of Perpetual Help, pray for me and grant me the favor I confidently ask of you. That the Life Teen Missionaries may be able to to LOVE and SERVE in the way's that the Lord is calling us.
(Then say three Hail Marys).


Join us in praying the Hail Mary in Creyole! 

Mari se pou kontan. Ou menm ki plen fave, Granmet la avek ou. Li beni ou pase tout fiy, E li beni Jezi, piti ou fe a. Mari, ou sen, Ou se Manman Bondye, nou se peche. Lapriye pou nou jodiya Ak le nou pret pou nou mouri. Amen