If I Were Brave.....

Asia (my best friend, just so we are all up to speed) often has these crazy ideas. Ideas that terrify me, but they bring her so much joy. She has this beautifully radical way of thinking about life. Her basic philosophy is “If you aren’t fully alive, are you really living?”. Now that seems like a wonderful way to live, and a theory that I could really jump on board with. But the questions she asks, and the ideas that she has absolutely make me shake in my flip flops. Hence forth I present you my thoughts on the  the “If I Were Brave” Challenge. 

I have always consider myself to be a pretty brave person. I was 15 the first time I traveled out of the country. I went to Italy, oh and I was alone. I went to Israel the following year with a group of juniors in High School, and college was 1200 miles away from the place I’d called home for 18 years. The distance between myself and “home” continued to grow, and I felt brave. I felt like I could conquer the world, and given a problem I could figure out some sort of solution. Even though sometimes I'd have to call my Dad, or use Google to learn how to change a tire. I did it. With little to no fear. 

When I became a missionary I realized how fearful I was. I could climb to the top of the ladder, or act like a monkey in a tree. I wasn’t terrified to take the garbage out at night, or even inspect the “creepy” buildings around camp (and trust me, there were plenty). I didn’t even mind going into the midget closet, or getting something from our car after the sun went down. But if Jesus wanted to enter a deep, dark, spider web filled spot on my heart I’d flee in fear. I didn’t think he needed to go there. I’d kindly uninvite him, closed my journal, and would just sit. But Asia’s desire to help me seek true healing, has sparked this radical thought to BE BRAVE. How simple, yet it gets my heart racing every single day. 

This morning I was reflecting on the previous days reading. 1 John 4:17 “Perfect love casts out fear”. With this scripture on the front of my heart I start the “If I Were Brave” challenge. The basic concept is that I text Asia in the morning the thing I'm going to do even though I'm scared. Then she tells me hers, and then throughout the day we do whatever we were previously afraid of. Everyday instead of sitting in fear, I will choose to stop hiding behind “if” and instead run into the fear. So I encourage you to follow this journey. Make your own challenges, and find a buddy to hold you accountable. 

Radical Hospitality....Come Lord Jesus

A rainy Saturday night. I found myself in a dimly lit chapel when my mind begins to wonder. I couldn’t understand what the priest was yelling about. But MAN was he convicted. I didn’t need to know every word he was saying to understand he loves Jesus. I asked myself over and over again, how much do I love Jesus. Do I love him enough to let others know that without every opening my mouth? 

I relate to Peter in so many ways. He denies Jesus three times (John 18: 15-27). I probably deny him three times an hour. Maybe not verbally but in other ways. 

Did I just walk past someone waiting on the bench? 

Did I Just place my dish in a sink and expect someone else to wash it? 

Did I complain about getting up early, how long was was, or how it is? 

But because Jesus is merciful, he allows me the opportunity to tell him I love him over and over again, just like Peter. By washing breakfast dishes, sitting with the woman I walked past even if I don’t know what she’s saying, and praise Jesus for a rainstorm even though I’m soaked. 

Throughout this short period of time in Haiti I’ve fallen deeper in love with Jesus. Wanting to know him in a more intimate way (a few weeks ago that word creeped me out). But now I recognize that it isn’t always easy. 

It’s an opportunity for growth. 

It’s an opportunity to deny and then reclaim the victory Jesus has already won. 

I desire a place of radical hospitality for Jesus in my heart. But as I remember from our Life Teen Missions Rule of Life (check it out here:http://www.lifeteenmissions.com/rule/) this simple thought on radical hospitality. “Hospitality, rather than being something you achieve, is something you enter. It is not something you do, but something you become. You try. You fail. You try again.”

I slowly find myself back back in that dimly lit chapel, in a small quiet town in Charlier Haiti. Jesus spoke into the depths of my heart at a moment where I didn’t expect him to. If I invite him, he will enter. 

COME LORD JESUS! 

Happy Advent!

What's the Number for 911 in Haiti?

Here I jot down my thoughts during a recent trip to the local Hospital. Two of our teens needed to visit the doctor. Nothing was an emergency, but they were hurting and we wanted to help.


Sensory overload.

Babies crying. 

Three women in blue outfits.
Five women in white.
Eight women trying their hardest to get the height and weight of a screaming baby. 
All eyes in the room turned to them. 

Families pass by with bags filled to the bring and pots empty that once held rice. 

Hard wooden benches. 

No clean air to breathe. 

Is the room getting smaller?

The babies are now screaming as one. Like a roaring orchestra, ascending into a crescendo of one of Bach's famous Overtures. 

A mother moves closer to me, as the sweat starts to pour off my brow. 

I can't believe this is the life I live. I wouldn't change it for any opportunity in the world. 

This life. 
My life. 
I'm so blessed. 

Time seems to go by slower when you don't really know what's happening around you. As I struggle to learn Creole, I try to pick up any word that I can. Try to sympathize with a young mother who has a screaming baby with a fever. But I don't know what that's like. That's not the cards I was dealt. I've been brought to Haiti to love, to serve, and to give as much time and energy to these beautiful people that I call family. 

It's not easy. But it's worth it. 

Hitting the Road....again

I'm currently sitting in my old college dorm. Literally the same room I spent my entire senior year growing, learning, exploring, laughing, crying and figuring out what I'm supposed to do with my life. The same room that I first realized what Jesus wanted me to do with my life. The room that I got "the phone" from Life Teen Missions asking me to join them.

And now here I am. Two years later getting my stuff together to jump on a plane to head back to Haiti. The country who has stolen my heart. I'm fearful of what these next two years are going to hold for me, but I'm trusting in Jesus.

I've had an incredible past month. It started with a road trip with my Mom and Best Friend from Atlanta, GA back up to New York. Spending a few days on Long Island, a quick day trip to Boston to witness the marriage of Nate and Kiera. A bunch of doctors appointments to figure out why I'm feeling all sorts of crazy. Another quick day trip up to Pennsylvania this time to watch my Dad be a NASCAR driver! Loads of family time, boat time, and time with my favorite American foods. The trip wrapped up with a 16 hour car ride to Nashville TN with my Mom & Dad, dinner with one of my favorite teenagers, surprising my best friend, seeing my sister and sorority sisters and mass at the Abbey one last time.

Tomorrow I jump on a plane into another 3 months of an unknown adventure. Pray for Amy and I for on time flights, no lost luggage and that our bags could be under 50lbs.

GOD WINS
Amanda

Wedding time with Lazer. We serve together in Haiti! 

Some family time! 

Spent the day on Fire Island with these clowns!

Sweet Baby Autumn is getting HUGE! And she's so holy. Just hanging out with the saints 

Hey girl! 

Surprising my BFF by just walking into her house. GOT YA 

A Haitian Summer

I'm two weeks into my 4 week stay in America and I think I'm finally ready to share the way God has been so faithful to me this past summer.

HE IS FAITHFUL BECAUSE I LIVE IN BEAUTIFUL HAITI!

We had  5 American's that lived, prayed and worked with us the entire summer. Giving us the opportunity to continue ministering to the Haitians. 

I live with 12 Haitians and 9 American's. Here are Ginlee and Syngee just hanging out. Being the older sister has been such a fun part of living at camp, and has taught me a ton. 

This is BeBe. She has worked at our base in the kitchen for awhile. This summer she decided that her and her boyfriend of 40 years were going to get married in the Catholic Church! She was baptized, went to confession and was married all in one day.

This is Amy! She's one of the gals that I get to live with and  journey with for the next two years. 

Ricky was one of my campers during my very first summer as a missionary. He just served as a missionary at Hidden Lake, and came down to Haiti to serve with us for a week. 

I was a Confirmation sponsor! Vaniel is our gatekeeper and went through RCIA with some of the Life Teen Missionaries throughout the year.

TiRoro is our cute little grandpa. He plays the bongo better than anyone I've ever met. 

WE HAD SUMMER CAMP IN HAITI! Summer camp is the place that started it all for me. Summer camp in America was where Jesus first made his presence known to me, and really placed missions on my heart. Now, 5 summers later, HE has me here in Haiti serving these teens. 

I could go on and on about the ways Jesus moved in my heart. These few pictures just show a glimpse into what God did in my heart this summer. I'm a woman who is on fire for the Lord and I can't wait to head back to Haiti in just two short weeks. 

New Normal

Welcome to some of my new normals....

Sweat dripping off my body ALL day.

Passing a pick up truck OVER STUFFED with cows.

Falling asleep to the ocean tide crashing on the beach in the backyard.

Running out of water half way through a shower and getting to finish showering out of a bucket.

Crying babies. LOTS of crying babies.

TRUSTING that Jesus is going to provide for my every need, want and desire.

Small children playing with my hair, poking my tattoos, and sitting on my lap just they can KNOW AND FEEL LOVE

The opportunity to STARE true poverty in the face.

A language I can't fully understand yet, but a WILLING HEART to learn and a family will to teach.

SHARING my heart, clothes, food, and bed.

Realizing the words "that's mine" have NO value here.

Coffee....LOADS of coffee.

Bare footed children who just want the OPPORTUNITY to go to school.

Seeing malnourished half naked children sitting next to their mother who is breast feeding another child.

Teenagers who are THIRSTY  for the full truth.

A God who IS FAITHFUL.

I'm not really sure what the word normal even means right now. But I know for this season of my life, these things will become normal to me. The sites I see daily are very different than my daily sights a few months ago. Just three months ago my daily sights were Chick-Fil-A, Target, and Starbucks, kids that were fully clothed and had enough outfits in their closet to not repeat an outfit ever, people who live in excess and loved to gain.

Is the  sacrifice worth it? YES

THIS is my new normal

To be HIS hands and feet

His name is Jeff and he's stolen my heart.

Don't worry I didn't move to Haiti and find the man of my dreams.....yet!

Jeff is a teen that I crossed paths with on the way from the airport to the base. I was trying to communicate with him but he wasn't responding. I thought maybe my creole was just that terrible. One of the missionaries shouted up to me "He probably wont respond, he's mute."  It happened, right there on the side of the road, less than six hours in the country, and my heart already belonged to this beautiful country.

After we prayed with another teen and got back in the car, I started to ask questions about this teen. His name was Jeff, well that's the name the Life Teen Missionaries had given him. They found him wondering a few weeks prior to my arrival. The people of the local town called him crazy, but the missionaries wanted to give him his dignity back, so they gave him a name. They also found him some clothes, and a family that was willing to watch over him. One of their teens, Boy, said he would take care of Jeff.  Jeff was hit by a car, and already had been living with some mental handicaps. But he had a smile that could make anyone's day a million times better. He has and innocent way of giving and receiving love.

It was week 2 1/2 of adjusting to living here and it had been about 4 days in a row of not seeing Jeff. I asked in my broken Creole, the next time I saw Boy, where Jeff was. He told me that he ran away.  Jeff got on the back of a passing truck and they hadn't seen him in a few days. I was devastated. I  wanted to just start walking the streets calling his name, but that wouldn't have been the smartest thing I could have done.

So instead, I prayed. I prayed someone would find him and take care of him. I prayed that he would find his way back home. I prayed someone gave him food for the day. I prayed Jesus let me find him, alive.

Jeff was burning on my heart when we headed towards the local prison to visit and talk with the men and women who were there. I also knew the direction we were heading in was the exact direction that Jeff had went when he got on the back of a car. I kept my eyes pealed on the road the ENTIRE ride.

I kept praying and then I saw it. I saw his maroon pants, as we sped right past him. I about jumped out of the car. I ran over to Father Louis and yelled "WE'VE GOT TO STOP! JEFF IS RIGHT THERE ON THE ROAD". Father Louis calmly responded "Ok, breathe. Sit back down. We will get him when we come back"

The whole time I was at the prison I kept asking Jesus to keep Jeff right where I had last seen him. Keep him safe, and Jesus PLEASE let him be alive. We piled back in the car and headed to where we saw him last, he wasn't there. My heart started to panic. Then I saw him again, running right towards our car. When he got in our car, our eyes met, and he just smiled. I don't know if at that moment he recognized me, but I saw Jesus in those eyes. I held back tears, gave him some juice (which he chugged), and tried to ask him how he was doing. He looked pretty bad. His clothes were ripped, he was missing his shoes, and his toe was cut up.

We got back to the mission base and first we got him some snacks. Jeff LOVES to drink water, 6 cups later he wasn't thirsty anymore. Meagan and I looked for some clean clothes and were able to find a shirt and pants that were just his size. I knew I had to clean his cut out. A very Haitian way of dealing with cuts is by putting cement in it. So I got on my hands and knees, while Sara got a bucket of water and soap and I scrubbed his feet. He would wince in pain every so often but he never stopped smiling.

As I was fighting back tears, I saw Jesus in that moment. I saw him in Sara, Amy, and Meagan were making sure Jeff had everything he needed. I saw him in Jeff, and I felt Jesus using me as his hands and feet at that moment. I couldn't have done it with out totally, and completely emptying myself, and asking Jesus to take over and use me.

Every single thing I'm asked to do on this mission I couldn't do if Jesus wasn't running through me. I constantly pray for an emptying of self, total self denial, and complete filling up of Jesus Christ himself in me.

Pray for me.
Pray for Jeff.

Know of my prayers for you.