Welcome to some of my new normals....
Sweat dripping off my body ALL day.
Passing a pick up truck OVER STUFFED with cows.
Falling asleep to the ocean tide crashing on the beach in the backyard.
Running out of water half way through a shower and getting to finish showering out of a bucket.
Crying babies. LOTS of crying babies.
TRUSTING that Jesus is going to provide for my every need, want and desire.
Small children playing with my hair, poking my tattoos, and sitting on my lap just they can KNOW AND FEEL LOVE
The opportunity to STARE true poverty in the face.
A language I can't fully understand yet, but a WILLING HEART to learn and a family will to teach.
SHARING my heart, clothes, food, and bed.
Realizing the words "that's mine" have NO value here.
Coffee....LOADS of coffee.
Bare footed children who just want the OPPORTUNITY to go to school.
Seeing malnourished half naked children sitting next to their mother who is breast feeding another child.
Teenagers who are THIRSTY for the full truth.
A God who IS FAITHFUL.
I'm not really sure what the word normal even means right now. But I know for this season of my life, these things will become normal to me. The sites I see daily are very different than my daily sights a few months ago. Just three months ago my daily sights were Chick-Fil-A, Target, and Starbucks, kids that were fully clothed and had enough outfits in their closet to not repeat an outfit ever, people who live in excess and loved to gain.
Is the sacrifice worth it? YES
THIS is my new normal
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
To be HIS hands and feet
His name is Jeff and he's stolen my heart.
Don't worry I didn't move to Haiti and find the man of my dreams.....yet!
Jeff is a teen that I crossed paths with on the way from the airport to the base. I was trying to communicate with him but he wasn't responding. I thought maybe my creole was just that terrible. One of the missionaries shouted up to me "He probably wont respond, he's mute." It happened, right there on the side of the road, less than six hours in the country, and my heart already belonged to this beautiful country.
After we prayed with another teen and got back in the car, I started to ask questions about this teen. His name was Jeff, well that's the name the Life Teen Missionaries had given him. They found him wondering a few weeks prior to my arrival. The people of the local town called him crazy, but the missionaries wanted to give him his dignity back, so they gave him a name. They also found him some clothes, and a family that was willing to watch over him. One of their teens, Boy, said he would take care of Jeff. Jeff was hit by a car, and already had been living with some mental handicaps. But he had a smile that could make anyone's day a million times better. He has and innocent way of giving and receiving love.
It was week 2 1/2 of adjusting to living here and it had been about 4 days in a row of not seeing Jeff. I asked in my broken Creole, the next time I saw Boy, where Jeff was. He told me that he ran away. Jeff got on the back of a passing truck and they hadn't seen him in a few days. I was devastated. I wanted to just start walking the streets calling his name, but that wouldn't have been the smartest thing I could have done.
So instead, I prayed. I prayed someone would find him and take care of him. I prayed that he would find his way back home. I prayed someone gave him food for the day. I prayed Jesus let me find him, alive.
Jeff was burning on my heart when we headed towards the local prison to visit and talk with the men and women who were there. I also knew the direction we were heading in was the exact direction that Jeff had went when he got on the back of a car. I kept my eyes pealed on the road the ENTIRE ride.
I kept praying and then I saw it. I saw his maroon pants, as we sped right past him. I about jumped out of the car. I ran over to Father Louis and yelled "WE'VE GOT TO STOP! JEFF IS RIGHT THERE ON THE ROAD". Father Louis calmly responded "Ok, breathe. Sit back down. We will get him when we come back"
The whole time I was at the prison I kept asking Jesus to keep Jeff right where I had last seen him. Keep him safe, and Jesus PLEASE let him be alive. We piled back in the car and headed to where we saw him last, he wasn't there. My heart started to panic. Then I saw him again, running right towards our car. When he got in our car, our eyes met, and he just smiled. I don't know if at that moment he recognized me, but I saw Jesus in those eyes. I held back tears, gave him some juice (which he chugged), and tried to ask him how he was doing. He looked pretty bad. His clothes were ripped, he was missing his shoes, and his toe was cut up.
We got back to the mission base and first we got him some snacks. Jeff LOVES to drink water, 6 cups later he wasn't thirsty anymore. Meagan and I looked for some clean clothes and were able to find a shirt and pants that were just his size. I knew I had to clean his cut out. A very Haitian way of dealing with cuts is by putting cement in it. So I got on my hands and knees, while Sara got a bucket of water and soap and I scrubbed his feet. He would wince in pain every so often but he never stopped smiling.
As I was fighting back tears, I saw Jesus in that moment. I saw him in Sara, Amy, and Meagan were making sure Jeff had everything he needed. I saw him in Jeff, and I felt Jesus using me as his hands and feet at that moment. I couldn't have done it with out totally, and completely emptying myself, and asking Jesus to take over and use me.
Every single thing I'm asked to do on this mission I couldn't do if Jesus wasn't running through me. I constantly pray for an emptying of self, total self denial, and complete filling up of Jesus Christ himself in me.
Pray for me.
Pray for Jeff.
Know of my prayers for you.
.JPG)
Don't worry I didn't move to Haiti and find the man of my dreams.....yet!
Jeff is a teen that I crossed paths with on the way from the airport to the base. I was trying to communicate with him but he wasn't responding. I thought maybe my creole was just that terrible. One of the missionaries shouted up to me "He probably wont respond, he's mute." It happened, right there on the side of the road, less than six hours in the country, and my heart already belonged to this beautiful country.
After we prayed with another teen and got back in the car, I started to ask questions about this teen. His name was Jeff, well that's the name the Life Teen Missionaries had given him. They found him wondering a few weeks prior to my arrival. The people of the local town called him crazy, but the missionaries wanted to give him his dignity back, so they gave him a name. They also found him some clothes, and a family that was willing to watch over him. One of their teens, Boy, said he would take care of Jeff. Jeff was hit by a car, and already had been living with some mental handicaps. But he had a smile that could make anyone's day a million times better. He has and innocent way of giving and receiving love.
It was week 2 1/2 of adjusting to living here and it had been about 4 days in a row of not seeing Jeff. I asked in my broken Creole, the next time I saw Boy, where Jeff was. He told me that he ran away. Jeff got on the back of a passing truck and they hadn't seen him in a few days. I was devastated. I wanted to just start walking the streets calling his name, but that wouldn't have been the smartest thing I could have done.
So instead, I prayed. I prayed someone would find him and take care of him. I prayed that he would find his way back home. I prayed someone gave him food for the day. I prayed Jesus let me find him, alive.
Jeff was burning on my heart when we headed towards the local prison to visit and talk with the men and women who were there. I also knew the direction we were heading in was the exact direction that Jeff had went when he got on the back of a car. I kept my eyes pealed on the road the ENTIRE ride.
I kept praying and then I saw it. I saw his maroon pants, as we sped right past him. I about jumped out of the car. I ran over to Father Louis and yelled "WE'VE GOT TO STOP! JEFF IS RIGHT THERE ON THE ROAD". Father Louis calmly responded "Ok, breathe. Sit back down. We will get him when we come back"
The whole time I was at the prison I kept asking Jesus to keep Jeff right where I had last seen him. Keep him safe, and Jesus PLEASE let him be alive. We piled back in the car and headed to where we saw him last, he wasn't there. My heart started to panic. Then I saw him again, running right towards our car. When he got in our car, our eyes met, and he just smiled. I don't know if at that moment he recognized me, but I saw Jesus in those eyes. I held back tears, gave him some juice (which he chugged), and tried to ask him how he was doing. He looked pretty bad. His clothes were ripped, he was missing his shoes, and his toe was cut up.
We got back to the mission base and first we got him some snacks. Jeff LOVES to drink water, 6 cups later he wasn't thirsty anymore. Meagan and I looked for some clean clothes and were able to find a shirt and pants that were just his size. I knew I had to clean his cut out. A very Haitian way of dealing with cuts is by putting cement in it. So I got on my hands and knees, while Sara got a bucket of water and soap and I scrubbed his feet. He would wince in pain every so often but he never stopped smiling.
As I was fighting back tears, I saw Jesus in that moment. I saw him in Sara, Amy, and Meagan were making sure Jeff had everything he needed. I saw him in Jeff, and I felt Jesus using me as his hands and feet at that moment. I couldn't have done it with out totally, and completely emptying myself, and asking Jesus to take over and use me.
Every single thing I'm asked to do on this mission I couldn't do if Jesus wasn't running through me. I constantly pray for an emptying of self, total self denial, and complete filling up of Jesus Christ himself in me.
Pray for me.
Pray for Jeff.
Know of my prayers for you.
Wednesday, May 7, 2014
Praying for Nigeria
Today we drove pas the Nigerian Counsel which is on the corner of our block. We literally pass it everyday and I never pay attention to it. But with those girls missing Nigeria has been all over the news. So today when we pass there were people with signs say:
"Where are they?"
"Bring our girls home"
I looked at Nate and said turn this min van around we need to go pray with those people and for those girls. So we turned the car around and prayed with them.
Right there on the street corner. The woman was cray and Jesus was EXPLODING. We just kept praying for courage and strength and for those girls to feel and know Jesus where ever they may be right now.
As we were praying I kept thinking these are our teens. WE are responsible, I am responsible for them. Who's to say Jesus isn't going to call Life Teen or heck, even me to Nigeria.
Love doesn't just wait for something to happen.
Love doesn't just honk their horn and wave.
No.
LOVE turns the car around.
LOVE forgets about the fun place they were headed to.
LOVE does something.
Want to know more what's happening to OUR teens...read this:
http://news.yahoo.com/nigerian-girl-describes-kidnap-276-still-missing-105715569.html
"Where are they?"
"Bring our girls home"
I looked at Nate and said turn this min van around we need to go pray with those people and for those girls. So we turned the car around and prayed with them.
Right there on the street corner. The woman was cray and Jesus was EXPLODING. We just kept praying for courage and strength and for those girls to feel and know Jesus where ever they may be right now.
As we were praying I kept thinking these are our teens. WE are responsible, I am responsible for them. Who's to say Jesus isn't going to call Life Teen or heck, even me to Nigeria.
Love doesn't just wait for something to happen.
Love doesn't just honk their horn and wave.
No.
LOVE turns the car around.
LOVE forgets about the fun place they were headed to.
LOVE does something.
Want to know more what's happening to OUR teens...read this:
http://news.yahoo.com/nigerian-girl-describes-kidnap-276-still-missing-105715569.html
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Hesitate
This song is rocking my world right now!
Below you will find the lyrics and a link to listen to the recording of this song.
Jesus has really shown me these past few weeks that he's been preparing me for Haiti for YEARS. He just wants to spend these last few days falling deeper in love with me. Jesus is gently reminding me to come, rest in him, don't be afraid and in 9 days I'll send you to go to serve me in Haiti. Till then, stay close to me. He's also reminded me that he's all I need in the chaos of what's to come. He will satisfy any and all longings and desires.
Hesitate by Judah & The Lion
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vis_upY-qPIEdit
Below you will find the lyrics and a link to listen to the recording of this song.
Jesus has really shown me these past few weeks that he's been preparing me for Haiti for YEARS. He just wants to spend these last few days falling deeper in love with me. Jesus is gently reminding me to come, rest in him, don't be afraid and in 9 days I'll send you to go to serve me in Haiti. Till then, stay close to me. He's also reminded me that he's all I need in the chaos of what's to come. He will satisfy any and all longings and desires.
Hesitate by Judah & The Lion
Come as you are, bring me your heart, my child.
I've waited so long for you to become all mine.
I won't give up til I have all your love.
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Come as you are, bring me your heart and find,
I'm all you need. I'm all that satisfies.
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Come away with Me.
Come away and you'll see
Love.
Come away with Me.
Come away and you'll see
Who you are.
I've waited so long for you to become all mine.
I won't give up til I have all your love.
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Come as you are, bring me your heart and find,
I'm all you need. I'm all that satisfies.
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Don't hesitate when I say,
"Come away."
Come away with Me.
Come away and you'll see
Love.
Come away with Me.
Come away and you'll see
Who you are.
9 Days till Haiti
Hey Guys,
This is crazy, incredible, blessed, hard to wrap my head around BUT in 9 days Lazer, Amy and I will be MOVING to Haiti! God has been so faithful to me in my preparations both spiritually and physically. He has provided so many opportunities for "see ya laters", and experiences in prayer that have helped me become ready for this adventure. On these final few days I'd like to invite you to pray a Novena with me. It's to Our Lady of Perpetual Help and I pray it every time I go down to Haiti. She is the patron of Haiti and our Blessed Mother has been a huge spiritual figure to push me to say YES. The novena begins today May 6th- May 14th. We fly out May 15th at 7:30am! It's really happening.
Here's the novena:
Oh Mother of Perpetual Help, grant that I may ever invoke your powerful name, the protection of the living and the salvation of the dying. Purest Mary, let your name henceforth be ever on my lips. Delay not, Blessed Lady, to rescue me whenever I call on you. In my temptations, in my needs, I will never cease to call on you, ever repeating your sacred name, Mary, Mary. What a consolation, what sweetness, what confidence fills my soul when I utter your sacred name or even only think of you! I thank the Lord for having given you so sweet, so powerful, so lovely a name. But I will not be content with merely uttering your name. Let my love for you prompt me ever to hail you Mother of Perpetual Help. Mother of Perpetual Help, pray for me and grant me the favor I confidently ask of you.
(Then say three Hail Marys).
(Then say three Hail Marys).
Thank you so much for your prayers, financial donations, long phone conversations and encouraging text messages.
Friday, May 2, 2014
Trash or Treasure
After mass at Holy Family we went down to their "Trash or Treasure" Sale. It's basically a HUGE garage sale. Anyway, after perusing through the coffee mugs, I saw "it". "It" was just laying there screaming my name. "It" was this beautiful little girls dress. I went over to it and got a closer look. At that moment I wished I could be 5 again, and jump into the dress and twirl around.
Instead, I put it down and walked away remembering I didn't have any cash on me. But then I went back to it, humbled my self and asked Nate to borrow a few dollars. Of course he said yes. I went back to the table, then I saw the perfect little shoes! They matched perfectly with the dress. So I picked those up and found a cute hat sunhat as well.
When myself and the other missionaries went to check out the woman found out I was going to bring the items I was purchasing to Haiti. She said okey well I'm not charging you for anything.
WHAT?!
Just from a simple act of humility to ask Nate to borrow a few dollars, led to another woman's hear to give generously to the mission.
I'm pretty confident this is how Jesus works. I humble myself, ask him for one thing and he fulfills the ask in abundance.
Check out John 6:9-13
9 “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are these for so many people?” 10 Jesus said, “Have the people [a]sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men [b]sat down, in number about five thousand. 11 Jesus then took the loaves, and having given thanks, He distributed to those who were seated; likewise also of the fish as much as they wanted. 12 When they were filled, He *said to His disciples, “Gather up the leftover fragments so that nothing will be lost.”13 So they gathered them up, and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves which were left over by those who had eaten.
Jesus sees that these people are hungry so he provides exactly what they need. And not just crumbs but AS MUCH AS THEY WANTED!
I dare you today to be bold in your prayer. Ask the LORD for exactly what you need. He will fulfill your desires in abundance.
Praise the Lord for the person who donated that little dress. A small Haitian child will treasure that for years to come.
Instead, I put it down and walked away remembering I didn't have any cash on me. But then I went back to it, humbled my self and asked Nate to borrow a few dollars. Of course he said yes. I went back to the table, then I saw the perfect little shoes! They matched perfectly with the dress. So I picked those up and found a cute hat sunhat as well.
When myself and the other missionaries went to check out the woman found out I was going to bring the items I was purchasing to Haiti. She said okey well I'm not charging you for anything.
WHAT?!
Just from a simple act of humility to ask Nate to borrow a few dollars, led to another woman's hear to give generously to the mission.
I'm pretty confident this is how Jesus works. I humble myself, ask him for one thing and he fulfills the ask in abundance.
Check out John 6:9-13
9 “There is a lad here who has five barley loaves and two fish, but what are these for so many people?” 10 Jesus said, “Have the people [a]sit down.” Now there was much grass in the place. So the men [b]sat down, in number about five thousand. 11 Jesus then took the loaves, and having given thanks, He distributed to those who were seated; likewise also of the fish as much as they wanted. 12 When they were filled, He *said to His disciples, “Gather up the leftover fragments so that nothing will be lost.”13 So they gathered them up, and filled twelve baskets with fragments from the five barley loaves which were left over by those who had eaten.
Jesus sees that these people are hungry so he provides exactly what they need. And not just crumbs but AS MUCH AS THEY WANTED!
I dare you today to be bold in your prayer. Ask the LORD for exactly what you need. He will fulfill your desires in abundance.
Praise the Lord for the person who donated that little dress. A small Haitian child will treasure that for years to come.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
That's not my name...
I'm having a MAJOR identity crisis.
I think my name should be Peter.
I'm talking about Saint Peter!
I'm identifying with Saint Peter in HUGE ways right now. Most times in ways that are difficult to admit.
As a missionary it's often that I deny Jesus. Just because I have the title "missionary" doesn't mean I'm perfect. Some days, I put Jesus last.
"Oh, I got through today on the 4 cups of coffee I drank. Failing to recall the grace that was bestowed upon me during a Holy Hour (some days 2), morning prayer and mass. I put my trust in those worldly, and material things to push me through the day.
Peter couldn't be found at the crucifixion, mostly for fear of his own life. His one instruction given to him by Jesus in the garden was STAY AWAKE.....yup, he failed.
BUT, Peter gives me hope!
Peter, often known as the most tragic denier and coward, through a God who loves and forgives, grew into the most successful failure of ALL time.
Jesus saw something in Peter other people didn't. He saw a passion for souls. He saw courage for the kingdom. He saw a humble man. After Peter denies Jesus three times, he professes his love for him three times. Then gives over his life completely to Jesus. To serve him and to spread the Gospel.
I want to trust Jesus the way Peter did when he called him out on the waters. My body of water isn't a physical raging sea, but rather a country. A country named Haiti. A country where God has gently whispered into the depths of my heart that "now is the time, and I am the one".
A simple nickname that was given to me in Spring of 2009 when I entered Alpha Sigma Tau has completely transformed my heart and given me a knew way of praying and living life.
I think my name should be Peter.
I'm talking about Saint Peter!
I'm identifying with Saint Peter in HUGE ways right now. Most times in ways that are difficult to admit.
As a missionary it's often that I deny Jesus. Just because I have the title "missionary" doesn't mean I'm perfect. Some days, I put Jesus last.
"Oh, I got through today on the 4 cups of coffee I drank. Failing to recall the grace that was bestowed upon me during a Holy Hour (some days 2), morning prayer and mass. I put my trust in those worldly, and material things to push me through the day.
Peter couldn't be found at the crucifixion, mostly for fear of his own life. His one instruction given to him by Jesus in the garden was STAY AWAKE.....yup, he failed.
BUT, Peter gives me hope!
Peter, often known as the most tragic denier and coward, through a God who loves and forgives, grew into the most successful failure of ALL time.
Jesus saw something in Peter other people didn't. He saw a passion for souls. He saw courage for the kingdom. He saw a humble man. After Peter denies Jesus three times, he professes his love for him three times. Then gives over his life completely to Jesus. To serve him and to spread the Gospel.
I want to trust Jesus the way Peter did when he called him out on the waters. My body of water isn't a physical raging sea, but rather a country. A country named Haiti. A country where God has gently whispered into the depths of my heart that "now is the time, and I am the one".
A simple nickname that was given to me in Spring of 2009 when I entered Alpha Sigma Tau has completely transformed my heart and given me a knew way of praying and living life.
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