I thought this assignment was stupid, and almost impossible. It shocked me that I couldn’t even think of a dream that I had for my own life. I’m 20 years old, something is wrong with that picture. The last dream I can remember was when people would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said a firefighter. People kept telling me that I couldn’t because I was a woman, but then I said I was going to prove them wrong. But little by little that block was chipped away without even realizing it. Then my next dream was to be a teacher, but people told me I wasn’t good enough for that job either. Then I feel like I stopped dream, because I was tired of being told I couldn’t do something. Then I stopped setting goals, and starting taking life as it came at me. I guess you could say I allowed fate to run my life, and I tried to be ok with it. Today was the first time in a long time that I stopped, and let myself be 20. Ok maybe I retracted to being 5 or 6 but I’m ok with it. I went outside and played in the rain, and made a slip and slide with some sister. We used dish soap, and garbage bags and just slid around the bowl for two hours, it was beautiful. I did feel guilty, because I didn’t go to a meeting I should have been to, and I neglected homework that was piling up. But I kept telling myself that the homework would get done, and the meeting wasn’t going to be productive anyway. When I got back to my room and took my phone out of the rice I had nasty text messages from the person in charge of the meeting. She informed me of how disappointed she was in me for not showing up, and how much I let her down because I told her I would be there. That’s what I don’t like about doing things for myself. I hope she understands that I’m not superwoman, and even superwoman likes to play in the rain.
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